The Christmas season is a lot of peoples favourite time of year but for some it's far from pleasant. My friend works in retail, and the impatience and swearing that comes along with the Christmas season has already begun. Who knew that not being able to open an extra till because it is already closed for the day and having to go back to one of three lines that were open, would quickly unravel some customer's whole day. Two were so upset that they threw down their merchandise on the counter and swearing loudly stormed out of the store. This can definitely be a difficult time of year and my heart goes out to those who are suffering through it. This difficult time of Christmas originated with Jesus being born as a baby who ironically came to save us and help us through the difficult times in life. He is the reason for the season. However by leaving Jesus out of Christmas, the materialism, business and time spent with family can turn into more of a problem than a joyful celebration.
Jesus came to give us peace and joy and it is available to all who have a relationship with Him. . But many don't include a relationship with Jesus in their holidays festivities and that peace and joy is missing them completely. Jesus was born in a stable to bring peace and joy to all mankind but this "best gift ever" is only available to those who will accept it and open their hearts to Jesus. If someone gives you a gift but you don't take it or open it, you don't get to enjoy it or use it. So how do we receive and open this Christmas gift of Salvation from God? Receiving starts with us acknowledging that we sin and that our sin separates us from having a relationship with God. Jesus was born as a baby so that he could grow into a man who dealt with this sin problem by dying on the cross. Jesus was God come down to earth as a human and he did not sin at all while living on earth, so when he died on the cross that qualified him to be our substitute. This might make more sense if I get Canadian and use hockey to explain. If the goalie gets a penalty he does not serve the penalty in the box because he is the goalie. What happens is another team member sits in the box and serves the penalty for the goalie while the goalie stays in the net. Someone had to pay the price of our sin so that we could be reunited with God and that is what Jesus did on the cross: he sat in the penalty box for us and served our penalty. He served our time so that if we are sorry for our sin and commit to stop sinning we no longer need to be penalised for our sin but God wipes our slate clean and forgives us all our wrong. We can then begin a relationship with the God who created the universe. Besides asking for and receiving forgiveness for our sin we also start this relationship with God by humbly giving God ultimate control of our lives. Basically we yield ourselves completely to God and let Him be the boss. Once God has control of our lives he can direct them in such a better way than we directed them. Then He can lead us in the ways that bring us peace and joy and freedom. Our Christmas can be transformed into a good season.
Even those who have a relationship with Jesus can miss the peace and joy if they get caught up in the rushing and trails and excessive business of Christmas. Sometimes we do not actually give Jesus of all areas of our life but desperately clutch at control. We don't leave our concerns in His capable hands but ruminate in them, and our peace is quickly stolen away. Without trust in God, worry is free to grow unchecked and becomes a force to be reckoned with. Faith is like an umbrella to protect us from the rain of worry.
The continuous drip of worry has stolen so much joy from my life. I am not sure why I have been so reluctant to replace worry with faith? Maybe I did not notice how much worrying I actually do. About 3 months ago I prayed and asked God to heal the emotional part of me. It has been such a revealing journo since then. God has been showing me all the messed up things that happen in my brain and one of the main things is the actual extent of my worrying. I think on average I worry probably once every three minutes! My mind is so full of fear and concern it is no wonder I am on anti- depressants. I can't enjoy life because I am continually pouring toxic thoughts out of mind that poison my outlook on everything. I need AAA for worriers so I can stand up and say "Hi my name is Kristen Webb and I have a problem with worry" and then get help for my addiction. Good thing our church offers an emotional 12 step program and I am in it right now! It has pointed me in the right direction to find healing and freedom.
The prescription for healing is to take all your worries to God and drop them (actually let go) into God's capable hands. When you are tempted to take the worry back - trust God to handle the issues! Peacefully look to God for the solutions to all the problems in your life. I discovered that all my planning and scheming was not a really good solution to my troubles. Instead I give God that responsibility and confidently listen to his voice for the answers and then simply obey him and do what he suggests. This faith we put in God enables us to let go of the worry and fear and replace it with peace and confident expectation of solutions. The Bible says that God gives us beauty for ashes which sounds way to good to be true. That is exactly what God has done for me. As I give him the ashes of worry and fear he replaces it with the beauty of faith followed by peace. I needed to learn to trust God with my life because then even before the answer gets to you you can still have peace and joy while you wait :) This is a truly amazing way to live and more fun than when my mind was overrun with concern because I was tightly holding onto the control of my life.
Friday 5 December 2014
Saturday 25 October 2014
My Giants have fur
On October 12 Our pastor spoke on Lessons in Conquest from Joshua 10 to 12. It so related to my life! I have had an particular issue that I have been struggling with for 10 years. I just never seem to have victory over it. It is a bizarre thing to struggle with. I am addicted to selling and buying horses. I am not sure why it gives me such a rush but I love doing it. It started because I have a very limited budget and very high expectations of what I want in a horse. Joshua had to face Giants but the giants I face have fur. Looking back I can see why I struggled so long without victory. Basically even though I prayed about it I never really believed God could answer. My prayers were more of a fierce desperate wishing followed by worry and scheming. I still felt like it was a huge long shot that I would ever find the horse I was looking for. I did the opposite of Joshua who acted in faith, listened to God's voice, lived in partnership with God, and prayed with imagination.
I was not kidding when I said this was a long road of mistakes. The first horse I bought was pretty but very stubborn so I sold him and tried to get another horse that was closer to my wish list. But each horse I would get, after a little while, I would think that if I sold them I could trade up for something better. I did this in a frenzied fashion. I would look on kijiji and find something that was amazing that I just had to have. However I had to sell the horse I had first. I would list my horse and then wait not very patiently for it to sell. I would worry that the horse I had seen and wanted and really believed was the only horse for me, would sell before my horse sold. I am ashamed to say I did this roughly 10 times in 8 years. My husband was really grateful that I did not treat my men like my horses! I liked the rush of buying a new horse but then I would crash in depression when I would realise the horse I thought was perfect was far from it. Part of the problem was my expectations were completely unrealistic for the amount of money I had to work with. The expectations themselves were not based in reality but on my girlish dreams and further amplified by my perfectionist personality. Also I was not very logical when I was looking at a horse and in my desperate desire to finally find one that worked I would overlook serious problems.
The horse I bought last year was the worst mistake of them all. She was more money than any of the others and she was one. She had a problem with bucking when you get on - like you were in a rodeo. I need a safe horse because I have already fallen on my head too many times and I can't fall off again. This horse was my worst nightmare and the people I bought it from would not take it back. In the end I had to pretty much give it away. At this point I recognised that I had a problem and I really wanted to stop the cycle and just find a horse that was safe that I could keep for a long time. I also prayed about this and for the first time I really gave it to God and stopped worrying and stressing about it. God did not have much to work with because I had no money left for my next horse as I had lost it all on the night mare. God being all powerful and all knowing was not stressed by my request for a horse. In fact I think He was very relieved that I finally was giving it to Him. He started working on pulling the strings to bring me the right horse for me despite of myself.
There was a horse that I was boarding for someone else who wanted this horse to be shipped out to her in BC at the end of summer. She was an older white mare and did not catch my attention because usually I go for the flashy, crazy horses. Well, the owner decided that she was too old to ship such a long distance and decided to give her away to someone here. The owner asked me to try her out and then put an ad on kijiji and find her a new home. I tried her out and she was seriously the best horse I had ever ridden! To think she had been in my backyard all summer! She was so safe and obedient that I could ride her with my daughter who has Downs syndrome on as well. I was enjoying riding when I was on her and it was peaceful and soothing.
I had some reservations however because she was older and not the prettiest horse I have ever seen and usually buying young and pretty is high on my priority list. But I asked God what He wanted me to do. He impressed upon me that safety was the most important thing and having a horse I can trust. It was vain of me to only want good looking horses that others would admire. Who cares if others think the horse that just bucked you off is good looking! This time I was trying to live in partnership with God in regards to my horse search, instead of going off on my own schemes. Fear of getting the wrong horse again was at first overwhelming but as I wrestled with what horse to get I just keep praying and asking God to help. I did find that He eventually gave me freedom to act without fear right around the same time I finally got a hold of the idea that God administers all the resources of the land. Finding me a great horse was not a hard task for Him. Even helping me accept that what I originally wanted in a horse was not the best choice was not a hard task for him either!
So instead of living in fear and making a hasty decision I trusted God to meet my need and bring me a safe sane horse. It was pretty cool that He arranged for the horse that I was considering to not be available to anyone else until I made up my mind. I did not have to make a fast decision because no one else even knew she was available for free yet! So I rode the older white mare many times and she was excellent every time. She did not even spook at deer or partridges flying up in her face. I prayed that God would help me look past her age and outward appearance and He totally answered. She put on weight and looked much better and I started to really like her one blue eye. God pointed out that her age is what makes her so reliable and perfect for me because I am no spring chicken either. By the time I decided to keep her it was a "no brainer" because God had made it very clear to me that she was the one. I am still in awe about how He found me a free horse that was better than all the other ones I bought and sold through the years. Not only was the horse free but I did not even have to pay for trailering because she was already at my farm! The little amount I got for the night mare horse was just enough to get the vet out to look after my new horse's teeth and shots.
I have had her for 3 months now and I like her more every time I ride her. I am so thankful to God for ending my horse search and freeing me from my trading addiction. I do sometimes feel the same old urge to maybe upgrade and get a better horse but then I apologise to God and thank Him for the great horse I have. I ask Him to continue to help me be content with the horse He gave me and not be such a picky perfectionist. By the way, I called my new horse Eden and she is going to be part of my life for long time.
I was not kidding when I said this was a long road of mistakes. The first horse I bought was pretty but very stubborn so I sold him and tried to get another horse that was closer to my wish list. But each horse I would get, after a little while, I would think that if I sold them I could trade up for something better. I did this in a frenzied fashion. I would look on kijiji and find something that was amazing that I just had to have. However I had to sell the horse I had first. I would list my horse and then wait not very patiently for it to sell. I would worry that the horse I had seen and wanted and really believed was the only horse for me, would sell before my horse sold. I am ashamed to say I did this roughly 10 times in 8 years. My husband was really grateful that I did not treat my men like my horses! I liked the rush of buying a new horse but then I would crash in depression when I would realise the horse I thought was perfect was far from it. Part of the problem was my expectations were completely unrealistic for the amount of money I had to work with. The expectations themselves were not based in reality but on my girlish dreams and further amplified by my perfectionist personality. Also I was not very logical when I was looking at a horse and in my desperate desire to finally find one that worked I would overlook serious problems.
The horse I bought last year was the worst mistake of them all. She was more money than any of the others and she was one. She had a problem with bucking when you get on - like you were in a rodeo. I need a safe horse because I have already fallen on my head too many times and I can't fall off again. This horse was my worst nightmare and the people I bought it from would not take it back. In the end I had to pretty much give it away. At this point I recognised that I had a problem and I really wanted to stop the cycle and just find a horse that was safe that I could keep for a long time. I also prayed about this and for the first time I really gave it to God and stopped worrying and stressing about it. God did not have much to work with because I had no money left for my next horse as I had lost it all on the night mare. God being all powerful and all knowing was not stressed by my request for a horse. In fact I think He was very relieved that I finally was giving it to Him. He started working on pulling the strings to bring me the right horse for me despite of myself.
There was a horse that I was boarding for someone else who wanted this horse to be shipped out to her in BC at the end of summer. She was an older white mare and did not catch my attention because usually I go for the flashy, crazy horses. Well, the owner decided that she was too old to ship such a long distance and decided to give her away to someone here. The owner asked me to try her out and then put an ad on kijiji and find her a new home. I tried her out and she was seriously the best horse I had ever ridden! To think she had been in my backyard all summer! She was so safe and obedient that I could ride her with my daughter who has Downs syndrome on as well. I was enjoying riding when I was on her and it was peaceful and soothing.
I had some reservations however because she was older and not the prettiest horse I have ever seen and usually buying young and pretty is high on my priority list. But I asked God what He wanted me to do. He impressed upon me that safety was the most important thing and having a horse I can trust. It was vain of me to only want good looking horses that others would admire. Who cares if others think the horse that just bucked you off is good looking! This time I was trying to live in partnership with God in regards to my horse search, instead of going off on my own schemes. Fear of getting the wrong horse again was at first overwhelming but as I wrestled with what horse to get I just keep praying and asking God to help. I did find that He eventually gave me freedom to act without fear right around the same time I finally got a hold of the idea that God administers all the resources of the land. Finding me a great horse was not a hard task for Him. Even helping me accept that what I originally wanted in a horse was not the best choice was not a hard task for him either!
So instead of living in fear and making a hasty decision I trusted God to meet my need and bring me a safe sane horse. It was pretty cool that He arranged for the horse that I was considering to not be available to anyone else until I made up my mind. I did not have to make a fast decision because no one else even knew she was available for free yet! So I rode the older white mare many times and she was excellent every time. She did not even spook at deer or partridges flying up in her face. I prayed that God would help me look past her age and outward appearance and He totally answered. She put on weight and looked much better and I started to really like her one blue eye. God pointed out that her age is what makes her so reliable and perfect for me because I am no spring chicken either. By the time I decided to keep her it was a "no brainer" because God had made it very clear to me that she was the one. I am still in awe about how He found me a free horse that was better than all the other ones I bought and sold through the years. Not only was the horse free but I did not even have to pay for trailering because she was already at my farm! The little amount I got for the night mare horse was just enough to get the vet out to look after my new horse's teeth and shots.
I have had her for 3 months now and I like her more every time I ride her. I am so thankful to God for ending my horse search and freeing me from my trading addiction. I do sometimes feel the same old urge to maybe upgrade and get a better horse but then I apologise to God and thank Him for the great horse I have. I ask Him to continue to help me be content with the horse He gave me and not be such a picky perfectionist. By the way, I called my new horse Eden and she is going to be part of my life for long time.
Friday 24 October 2014
Potluck and Praise
Last Sunday night I attended the pot luck and praise night at the church. While we were eating we were asked to discuss a question about if we had noticed God's hand in our lives.
God's hand prints are all over my life. In fact the very food I had been blissfully eating at the potluck portion of the evening was an answer to prayer! I am allergic to wheat and few other things like eggs, almonds and Lima Beans. I don't feel too bad about having to avoid lima beans but the wheat is really hard to miss out on. I was not looking forward to the pot luck as I imagined it would be a lot of dishes that looked fantastic and made my mouth water that I could not eat. It is torture to walk by yummy things that people have prepared and not put them on my plate. So before I went to the pot luck I prayed and ask God to help me with will power so that I would behave. When I got there I discovered there were other people who are also gluten free and they had brought yummy food! It is not half as hard to pass up gluten ladden dishes when there is lots of tasty stuff I can eat. Thank you God for enabling me to not only stay gluten free but gluten free and still happy because that is a big deal!
God's hand prints are all over my life. In fact the very food I had been blissfully eating at the potluck portion of the evening was an answer to prayer! I am allergic to wheat and few other things like eggs, almonds and Lima Beans. I don't feel too bad about having to avoid lima beans but the wheat is really hard to miss out on. I was not looking forward to the pot luck as I imagined it would be a lot of dishes that looked fantastic and made my mouth water that I could not eat. It is torture to walk by yummy things that people have prepared and not put them on my plate. So before I went to the pot luck I prayed and ask God to help me with will power so that I would behave. When I got there I discovered there were other people who are also gluten free and they had brought yummy food! It is not half as hard to pass up gluten ladden dishes when there is lots of tasty stuff I can eat. Thank you God for enabling me to not only stay gluten free but gluten free and still happy because that is a big deal!
Monday 29 September 2014
Hearing and Following God's ridiculous Requests
Has God ever asked you to do something you thought was a bit odd or strange or just not logical? Did you have the courage to do it or did you chicken out? When God asked you did you get angry or excited? I have been going through a long period this last 3 years of God asking me to do some frustrating things. In the past I would get angry or fearful or say bitterly "another character developing opportunity" when God asked me to go through difficult situations. Because of my attitude these situations where extra unpleasant and though I did develop character I also developed doubt and bitterness. In the last three years I have embraced a new attitude. One of faith in God, knowing He loves me. I was eagerly waiting to see what cool things Jesus did in the midst of the Chaos to sustain me and make good come out of bad.
This three year period started out with a very unfortunate incident. I was walking across the road and I was struck by a truck. Do not under an circumstances try to take on a truck on foot - it does not go well! I was J walking and he failed to stop or look before he turned out in front of me. I broke my leg at the femur - like right in half so it was dangling at a strange angle when I tried to lift it up. I also re injured a concussion that I had gotten a year previously from being tossed off a horse head first when it fell in a hole at a gallop. Now this accident was not God's fault but human error, but for the last three years God has been making good come out of it.
I have learnt so many things! For instance, how to hear God even in demanding situations. Just like the sermon last week about how to learn good discernment: God has been teaching me to listen carefully, be alert, surrender and trust God for victory. Because of the leg and the concussion I have had to be very still for very long periods of time. It is amazing how much easier it is to hear God when you are still and quiet. I am a very goal oriented person and I like to get stuff done - I do not like to rest. However God has taught me to rest and actually enjoy it and benefit from it.
With my concussion I have progressed to only needing quiet rest about 4 times a day for about an hour a time. Right after the accident I pretty much rested 24 / 7 . If I do not rest I get headaches of epic proportions that make any kind of any activity debilitating. Reading quietly or watching TV or even talking on the phone with my eyes closed do not count as rest. I must ,make like a mushroom, and spend lots of time in a dark quiet bed doing nothing. At the start this was very frustrating and boring, but I got better at it and if resting were an Olympic sport I would now so get gold! I discovered that the quiet worked really well for listening to God and if I surrendered to Him he would give me peace and joy. Because I did not have my brain cluttered with all my busy plans I found I could be alert to hear God's voice and hear Him better than ever before. He has been very clear that He wants to me to keep resting as much as I need to and give my list of things I need to get done to Him. I have learnt to trust Him for victory over my anxious heart and He has calmed me down so much. It is very hard to get anything done when you need to rest as often and as long as me. However, I have seen God do supernatural things to my heart and to my schedule and He has come through.
Now when I have to go rest I feel safe and peaceful instead of frustrated and driven. You might say my life is a bit ridiculous when it is interrupted with sleep so often through out the day. God does ask me to rest and that does appear to be a counter intuitive request if you goal is getting stuff done. But I have discovered that for me obeying God means resting and He gives me such a joy and relief in that. He has shown me that all that down time has been a wonderful opportunity to pray and to meditate on his word. These two acts have totally changed my life in so many good ways. God's word is so awesome and following it is the path to true contentment and satisfaction. I do some times still feel frustrated and wish I had more time to get things done but when I run to God he shows me to be patient and do what He asks. This works so much better than trying to do what the world says you must do to be considered successful.
Just like the Isrealites laid rocks from the middle of the river to remember what God had done for them, I want to keep blogging what God has done for me. I want to remember so my faith can be strengthened. We sing a song at church called the rock won't move and it really describes well my journay through the last three years - here are the words:
This three year period started out with a very unfortunate incident. I was walking across the road and I was struck by a truck. Do not under an circumstances try to take on a truck on foot - it does not go well! I was J walking and he failed to stop or look before he turned out in front of me. I broke my leg at the femur - like right in half so it was dangling at a strange angle when I tried to lift it up. I also re injured a concussion that I had gotten a year previously from being tossed off a horse head first when it fell in a hole at a gallop. Now this accident was not God's fault but human error, but for the last three years God has been making good come out of it.
I have learnt so many things! For instance, how to hear God even in demanding situations. Just like the sermon last week about how to learn good discernment: God has been teaching me to listen carefully, be alert, surrender and trust God for victory. Because of the leg and the concussion I have had to be very still for very long periods of time. It is amazing how much easier it is to hear God when you are still and quiet. I am a very goal oriented person and I like to get stuff done - I do not like to rest. However God has taught me to rest and actually enjoy it and benefit from it.
With my concussion I have progressed to only needing quiet rest about 4 times a day for about an hour a time. Right after the accident I pretty much rested 24 / 7 . If I do not rest I get headaches of epic proportions that make any kind of any activity debilitating. Reading quietly or watching TV or even talking on the phone with my eyes closed do not count as rest. I must ,make like a mushroom, and spend lots of time in a dark quiet bed doing nothing. At the start this was very frustrating and boring, but I got better at it and if resting were an Olympic sport I would now so get gold! I discovered that the quiet worked really well for listening to God and if I surrendered to Him he would give me peace and joy. Because I did not have my brain cluttered with all my busy plans I found I could be alert to hear God's voice and hear Him better than ever before. He has been very clear that He wants to me to keep resting as much as I need to and give my list of things I need to get done to Him. I have learnt to trust Him for victory over my anxious heart and He has calmed me down so much. It is very hard to get anything done when you need to rest as often and as long as me. However, I have seen God do supernatural things to my heart and to my schedule and He has come through.
Now when I have to go rest I feel safe and peaceful instead of frustrated and driven. You might say my life is a bit ridiculous when it is interrupted with sleep so often through out the day. God does ask me to rest and that does appear to be a counter intuitive request if you goal is getting stuff done. But I have discovered that for me obeying God means resting and He gives me such a joy and relief in that. He has shown me that all that down time has been a wonderful opportunity to pray and to meditate on his word. These two acts have totally changed my life in so many good ways. God's word is so awesome and following it is the path to true contentment and satisfaction. I do some times still feel frustrated and wish I had more time to get things done but when I run to God he shows me to be patient and do what He asks. This works so much better than trying to do what the world says you must do to be considered successful.
Just like the Isrealites laid rocks from the middle of the river to remember what God had done for them, I want to keep blogging what God has done for me. I want to remember so my faith can be strengthened. We sing a song at church called the rock won't move and it really describes well my journay through the last three years - here are the words:
The Rock Won't Move
Verse 1
When the ground beneath my feet gives way
And I hear the sound of crashing waves
And all my world is washing out to sea
I'm hidden safe in the God who never moves
Holding fast to the promise of the truth
That You are holding tighter still to me
Chorus 1
The rock won't move and His word is strong
The rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The rock won't move and His word is strong
The rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The rock of our salvation
Verse 2
My hope is in the promise of Your blood
My support within the raging flood
Even in the tempest I can sing
I'm hidden safe in the God who never moves
Holding fast to the promise of the truth
That You are holding tighter still to me
Misc 1
(Interlude)
Woah woah woah the rock of our salvation
Misc 2
(Bridge)
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
The rock won't move the rock won't move
When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest in His unchanging grace
The rock won't move the rock won't move
CCLI Song # 7005719
Wednesday 24 September 2014
Seriously! Peace
Peace, something we all long for and something that sometimes feels like an elusive emotion. On September 14 my pastor implied that there is a way to access internal peace and rest regardless of the circumstances. That sounds a might bit unrealistic given my circumstances lately. I have been trying recently to give my problems to God and to trust Him with them but it is not so easy.
For instance take the problem of wasps entering my home. Since late summer I have had wasps coming into my house at a rate of about 5 a day. I first see them in my dining room hanging out at the ceiling or in the big window. I do not like wasps or any kind of stinging insect. They are not aggressive which is good but still creepy.
I like to be control of my environment some might even say I am obsessive about certain things. Well my brain got a hold of this wasp crisis and it was off and running trying to figure out how to fix it and what might the worse case scenario look like. I imagined hundreds of wasps descending into my house and biting me and my children repeatedly and us all dying. I also imagined never being able to find where they were coming in and thus never being able to stop them. For some reason these thoughts would whip me into an internal frenzy of fear. That fear then urged me to do whatever it took to fix this problem and not rest until it was over. I had prayed and asked God to help me but I was not trusting Him enough to let go of the anxiety and fear. I basically wanted Him to fix the problem the way I had figured out to fix it. I wanted him to show me where the little buggers were getting in and then extract the entire nest so that the wasps would be gone.
So i proceeded with my plan of attack still scared and overwhelmed and not feeling very restful or peaceful. I watched the dining room like a hawk for days at a time trying to catch a wasp entering. There was some knot holes in the ceiling and some gaps around the trim. I could never see the blasted things making their entrance so I put duck tape over all the knot holes to see if that helped. I still had wasps showing up. I would get the ladder from the shop and frantically kill each one that appeared with great fear of getting stung.
I was sharing my dilemma with my sister in law and hubby one day at lunch. I needed to explain to my sister in law why I was spending time out of our visit hauling out the ladder and never looking at her when she talked but instead focusing on the trim in the ceiling. She was very support of of my plans to kill all wasps but my husband felt I was being rude to her. He pointed out that they had not bit me yet and were just coming in because of the cold weather which makes them sleepy. They were on deaths door anyway. He suggested I kill them when I see them and not be so panicked. I freaked at him and said my fears were justified and I would not rest until I found where these wasps are coming in. I see now that He was trying to help but because I was over reacting, his comments just made me more anxious.
So I had it out with God. I told Him that He had promised to answer my prayers and where was He and why was I so upset. Maybe the promise of peace was only to folks who do not have OCD and insects storming their home. When I rant with God I try to also journal and write down what He says back. Prayer is a two way conversation. This is very helpful because after all God is the creator of the universe and is all knowing, which come in handy when problem solving. So When I listened this time, God said that He promised to answer when we ask without doubt. Doubt can block us from answers. (James 1:6-8) So my fear and anxiety was blocking an answer. Also He gently pointed out that when I ask for help I should not put Him in a box and demand He answer me in only my certain predetermined way. That was nervy of me and I should repent. Well I must say I responded much better to God than I did to my husband. I wonder why that is?
I repented and then asked for help with the wasps and I trusted God to fix it somehow. Trust is so freeing. It's like a buy one get one free. You buy into trust and you get peace and rest just as an added bonus. I guess in the future, I need to be watching out for anxiety and fear because if I have them I know automatically I am not really trusting God and that I have doubt. This relates back to that sermon where Jason pointed out that if we are not in step with God we will not have that internal peace and rest. We need to look for God and what He is doing - instead of telling Him how to do his job! We need to ask God what to do and step out and actually do it, letting go of the fear and worry. So I gave the wasps to God and my obsession about finding their home and eradicating them. When I listened to God He said that I needed to calm down and just kill any wasps that came in and not worry about them. So that is what I did. God gave me the strength to stop obsessing and be OK that the odd wasp would enter my house a few times a day. God helped me get over my fear of wasps and just not mind sharing my space with them so much. I decided to let go of my need to find where they were entering and it is such a better way to live.
Even though I did not see the answer right away, and wasps where still paying me frequent visits, I still had peace and rest - what a precious gift. Eventually they stopped coming in as often and now they only come occasionally every few days. I just calmly smack them with the fly swatter - I am really getting good with that thing! - and proceed on with my day. I am so glad I did not rip out the ceiling to try to find their nest or hire an expensive bug killer guy. Jason was right you can have internal peace and rest regardless of the circumstances even if you are a women with some emotional hang ups.
For instance take the problem of wasps entering my home. Since late summer I have had wasps coming into my house at a rate of about 5 a day. I first see them in my dining room hanging out at the ceiling or in the big window. I do not like wasps or any kind of stinging insect. They are not aggressive which is good but still creepy.
I like to be control of my environment some might even say I am obsessive about certain things. Well my brain got a hold of this wasp crisis and it was off and running trying to figure out how to fix it and what might the worse case scenario look like. I imagined hundreds of wasps descending into my house and biting me and my children repeatedly and us all dying. I also imagined never being able to find where they were coming in and thus never being able to stop them. For some reason these thoughts would whip me into an internal frenzy of fear. That fear then urged me to do whatever it took to fix this problem and not rest until it was over. I had prayed and asked God to help me but I was not trusting Him enough to let go of the anxiety and fear. I basically wanted Him to fix the problem the way I had figured out to fix it. I wanted him to show me where the little buggers were getting in and then extract the entire nest so that the wasps would be gone.
So i proceeded with my plan of attack still scared and overwhelmed and not feeling very restful or peaceful. I watched the dining room like a hawk for days at a time trying to catch a wasp entering. There was some knot holes in the ceiling and some gaps around the trim. I could never see the blasted things making their entrance so I put duck tape over all the knot holes to see if that helped. I still had wasps showing up. I would get the ladder from the shop and frantically kill each one that appeared with great fear of getting stung.
I was sharing my dilemma with my sister in law and hubby one day at lunch. I needed to explain to my sister in law why I was spending time out of our visit hauling out the ladder and never looking at her when she talked but instead focusing on the trim in the ceiling. She was very support of of my plans to kill all wasps but my husband felt I was being rude to her. He pointed out that they had not bit me yet and were just coming in because of the cold weather which makes them sleepy. They were on deaths door anyway. He suggested I kill them when I see them and not be so panicked. I freaked at him and said my fears were justified and I would not rest until I found where these wasps are coming in. I see now that He was trying to help but because I was over reacting, his comments just made me more anxious.
So I had it out with God. I told Him that He had promised to answer my prayers and where was He and why was I so upset. Maybe the promise of peace was only to folks who do not have OCD and insects storming their home. When I rant with God I try to also journal and write down what He says back. Prayer is a two way conversation. This is very helpful because after all God is the creator of the universe and is all knowing, which come in handy when problem solving. So When I listened this time, God said that He promised to answer when we ask without doubt. Doubt can block us from answers. (James 1:6-8) So my fear and anxiety was blocking an answer. Also He gently pointed out that when I ask for help I should not put Him in a box and demand He answer me in only my certain predetermined way. That was nervy of me and I should repent. Well I must say I responded much better to God than I did to my husband. I wonder why that is?
I repented and then asked for help with the wasps and I trusted God to fix it somehow. Trust is so freeing. It's like a buy one get one free. You buy into trust and you get peace and rest just as an added bonus. I guess in the future, I need to be watching out for anxiety and fear because if I have them I know automatically I am not really trusting God and that I have doubt. This relates back to that sermon where Jason pointed out that if we are not in step with God we will not have that internal peace and rest. We need to look for God and what He is doing - instead of telling Him how to do his job! We need to ask God what to do and step out and actually do it, letting go of the fear and worry. So I gave the wasps to God and my obsession about finding their home and eradicating them. When I listened to God He said that I needed to calm down and just kill any wasps that came in and not worry about them. So that is what I did. God gave me the strength to stop obsessing and be OK that the odd wasp would enter my house a few times a day. God helped me get over my fear of wasps and just not mind sharing my space with them so much. I decided to let go of my need to find where they were entering and it is such a better way to live.
Even though I did not see the answer right away, and wasps where still paying me frequent visits, I still had peace and rest - what a precious gift. Eventually they stopped coming in as often and now they only come occasionally every few days. I just calmly smack them with the fly swatter - I am really getting good with that thing! - and proceed on with my day. I am so glad I did not rip out the ceiling to try to find their nest or hire an expensive bug killer guy. Jason was right you can have internal peace and rest regardless of the circumstances even if you are a women with some emotional hang ups.
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