Wednesday, 30 November 2011

The Door of Faith in Jesus

Now it just sounds so easy - God says He can help my emotions supernaturally and then He does.  This has been a journey - a long long journey.  Back when I was a teenager my mom was in a serious car accident and it shook my faith.  I was mad at God for letting it happen, hurt and confused.  My mom lived but due to the massive head injury she changed her personality and we had to look after her for a while.  I got stuck wishing that it never happened and wanting life to go back to the way it used to be.  I doubted God's goodness and wondered if He loved me or just liked to see me struggle.

I had a full on nervous breakdown and eventually had to take medicine for a chemical imbalance.  I did not want to take medicine but now I am glad I did because before the meds I spent about 90% of my emotional energy just trying to get level.  I felt emotionally horrible even when life was going well and fought so hard to not to spew that horriblness on everyone around me.  With the meds I start off feeling level or normal and that's a very nice place to be.   

Fast forward to now when I am the mom and I have a teenager of my own.  I have been working on my trust issues with the help of my friends and Connie Giroux at my church and it is a whole different world!  Now when bad things happen - like getting run over by a truck, or being diagnosed with ulcerative colitus, or having two concussions in a year, I don't rail agaisnt God, I run to Him.   I hold on to the truth that He is Good and He does love me very much in the midst of the yuck.  This change in outlook is like going through a door into a whole different world.  The circumstances are still awful but I can handle them - even thrive in them.  Faith changes everything. 

I live with hope, expecting God to make good come of my life.  I don't deny that what I am experiencing sucks and it is less then optimal.  I acknowledge that, and I greive the losses and disappointments.  However, I know God will meet my needs through others and just through Himself and so I can skip the worry.  Feeling safe like a little lamb in God's arms is such a great feeling, such a relief.   I don't have to wait until I can walk without crutches, or find a new job, or am symptom free from headaches to find emotional relief.  God is good and He does love me!    

1 comment:

  1. You sure do inspire me to keep going forward in faith and on my walk with the Lord! God bless you Kristen! p.s. I read from the Bible you gave me every night unless I have a migraine. I look forward to more updates on your blog! Love you! Rose